you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
