Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
