I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
