I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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