Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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