i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
