so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
