you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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