come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
