Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you made out with another girl for some wings
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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