**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
