So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
