Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
