guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
