fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
