You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
