remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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