A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
