I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
