His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
