So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
