he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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