This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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