so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
