dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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