I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
