No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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