you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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