Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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