All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
