Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
