I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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