You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
