Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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