I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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