Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
