I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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