Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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