Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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