Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
