Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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