??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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