he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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