We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
