remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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