i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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