I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
