p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
