I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i will never coherently bang her
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
