God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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