I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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