My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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