I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
