i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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