I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They took my balls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
