I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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