i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
