VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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