He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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