Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
