so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
