this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
