i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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