i just had sex bonerless
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
