I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
