you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
