I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
farters have to be the big spoon...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
