I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
