At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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