can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
