He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
wow bdsm is so cute
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