Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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