By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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