plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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