You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
