I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
