Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Still dying that you shit outside
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
