now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
