So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
