I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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