I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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