Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
