do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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