It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
