Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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