Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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